Your Way

I came across this passage as I was reading today. In the essay "Very Narrow," Anne Carson describes how the first thing a man (she later falls in love) says to her when he visits her apartment is that her bed is really narrow. She finds it odd, but it isn't this part of the essay that is important. The important part is this: "The man who named my narrow bed was a quiet person, but he had good questions. 'I suppose you do love me, in your way,' I said to him one night close to dawn when we lay on the narrow bed. 'And how else should I love you--in your way?' he asked. I am still thinking about that."

And just like Carson, I am still thinking about it, too. I had a conversation with an old friend during dinner, a few weeks ago. We were talking about the ills of relationships and where they go wrong. And before he stated his reason as to why relationships fail, I already knew what he was going to say, expectations. It has always been my belief that people start to have problems because one person has expectations for the other person: the only problem is, they forget to share those expectations with the other person, so how can the other person ever live up to those expectations? Then, when the other person falls short, the expectation originator gets angry or hurt.

This is true not only of romantic relationships, but can be true about all relationships between humans.

I don't feel like I have expectations of others, I only want them to be the best "they" that they can be. Maybe in a way this is an expectation. But I have realized, after reading this essay, that I am often unhappy with the way that someone loves me, their way. Realizing that there is a line between my way and your way is the answer, but allowing the line to exist and be okay with it is the problem.