Independent Verification

Going to college as an adult, one who is independent and has been for many years always surprises me. It seems like the university system is set up to deal with 18 year-olds, and I feel like I am often being patronized. Most of the people that work at the counters in different departments at the university are students on work study, and while some of them don't seem totally incompetent, the majority of them do.

In February, I was asked for the second time in my college career to fill out what is called an "Independent Verification" form. Essentially, the college, after looking at your taxes, notices an error that brings your "independence" into question. Meaning, they think you live with your parents. How this error indicates you live with your parents I am not sure. When this happened to me the first time, I wrote the Financial Aid department about the process before subsequently writing a column in the school newspaper in which I invited the Financial Aid department to my house for a tour to see the disarray that was my independent life. If I lived with my mother, I said, my laundry would be folded and clean, my hair brushed regularly. I was assured in an email that I received from the Financial Aid department that the selection for Independent Verification was a "highly-scientific process based on a very complicated algorithm and that most importantly, students were always randomly selected."

So, when I was randomly chosen a second time in as many years by the Financial Aid office, I printed out my paperwork, took it down to the Financial Aid office, only to have them tear half of it out of the neatly stapled pack I made, and give it back. "We only need these parts of your taxes" the work-study girl said to me twirling her hair and chomping her gum while giving me the *blink blink* of her doe eyes, with her mind elsewhere--probably imagining riding a ferris wheel at a carnival--but I assure you, there was nothing smart going on behind those eyes.

"What is this about?" I asked her. As if she would have a coherent answer. "They probably found an error in your taxes." *blink blink* "Right, but this is supposed to be random, and it is the second time it has happened to me." "It happens to me all the time" she said. *blink blink* It was probably the first smart thing she said.

While I make errors a lot in everyday life, like putting liquid dishwashing soap in the dishwasher only to discover that it makes a bubbly mess instead of cleaning the dishes and that only dishwasher soap should go in the dishwasher, I have a hard time believing I consistently fuck up my taxes since I have been doing them on my own since I was 15. There have been two exceptions to this: 1. I fucked up my aunt's taxes, but why would a grown woman trust an 18-year-old who was drunk to do her taxes?
2. After my dad died, my mom never gave me an interest statement from a company for some life insurance money I was supposed to get. When I was 18, I got a lovely certified letter from both the state and federal governments informing me of my tax evasion.

Most importantly, however, is when I screw up my taxes, why do they think I live with my parents? Wouldn't your parents make sure you don't screw up your taxes?  So, shouldn't they change the form to something like "Hey dumbass, we think you screwed up your taxes, so we need a copy to review them for you.  If you could get copies to us quickly, we'll only take about five months to process them."

And that is why I write today.  The girl at the counter, remember, *blink blink* girl, told me that they take about two weeks to process the tax information.  I turned in my taxes at the beginning of February and got an email today telling me they have adjusted my financial aid and that I need to go into the system and reaccept my aid.  So glad I hurried on that cold day in February.