A story was in the news today that seems curious. A man was caught masturbating on a plane by a 17-year-old girl. He was questioned, and when arrested, he said he had spilled Tabasco sauce on himself which caused his crotch to burn.
That's a likely story.
I am not so much intrigued by the truth of the matter, but the plausibility of burning your penis with Tabasco. So, I called a friend (one with a penis) and asked, "What is the likelihood of burning your shaft if you spilled Tabasco on it?"
He replied, "Not likely. It's like spilling it on your skin."
"Unless you spilled it directly on your pee hole, right?"
"That would definitely burn."
"If you spilled Tabasco on your penis, or in your pee hole," I asked "would you go to the bathroom to remedy the situation, or would you stay in your seat?"
"Bathroom."
Tabasco is tricky. Sometimes I go to shake it onto an omelet or some hashbrowns and it shoots uncontrollably, but I usually spill it on my hand, the counter, or the table. I've come close to shooting myself in the eye, but I don't think I would ever spill it on my genitals where it would burn. And I don't think I would spill it on my genitals in a way that would make it burn and make me seem as though I am masturbating, even if I had a penis and not a vagina. I may spill it on my pee hole if I had a penis and was trying to eat a burrito naked while masturbating on a plane, however.
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